Kids.

Eugh. Where to start with this one ...

So, kids are great - when they're asleep. No matter how old they are (I'd class kid as up to the age of 16/17, because even then some of them are still complete nutters to be polite) they still manage to be annoying in some way. Here's a run down of what I think:

New born - 1 year = Wake up, cry, 'feed me', 'burp me', 'change my nappy', sleep and repeat.

1 year - 2 years = THE TERRIBLE TWOS ! Need I say anymore?

2 years - 3 years = Ga ga, gu gu, 'I can almost talk so that gives me the right to slobber everywhere whilst trying to crawl and falling on my face'.

3 years - 4 years = 'I CAN WALK AND TALK ! Try getting away from me now ...'

4 years - 5 years = 'Woo ! I'm a big boy/girl now, I'm at nursery !'

5 years - 6 years = 'WOW ! BIG SCHOOL !'

Now, skipping a bit, because not much happens between 6 - 10 years, apart from 'I'm being bullied' or 'He pushed me first !'

11 years - 12 years = 'High School ! ... Oh no .. Loads of homework !'

12 years - 13 years = 'Wellll ..... this is fun ...'

13 years - 14 years = 'Woah, the years have flown by !'

14 years - 15 years = 'Oh my gosh ! What do I want to do with my life ?!' Here, you have two types - Child A - 'I'm going to work really hard and do well in my GCSE's and actually do something with my life.' or there's Child B - 'Oh yeaahhh mate ! I is well 'ard and I don't give a damn about my education or my life !'

15 years - 16 years = 'Woah, I should have listened to those helpful people last year, I'm doing really bad' or 'Wow ! I'm so glad I chose to do this, it's so good, thank goodness for those helpful people last year !'

16 years - 17 years = 'Okay, GCSE's passed (or failed) so now I'm going to go to college / sixth form and do my A-Levels (or carry on screwing my life by 'getting a job')'

So, you can see where the issues lie within my mind. I was minding my own business walking through the foyer at college the other day, and the year 7's or maybe 8's were trying, and failing, to stand single file in their tutor group lines, and so were causing chaos. I just happened to be carrying an open can of Coca-Cola that afternoon, so maybe you can guess where this is going, and maybe you think 'Oh my gosh ! That's shocking ! She threw Coke all over a young, sweet, innocent year 7 or 8 !' Well, let me tell you, neither year groups are innocent, and I didn't throw Coke over anyone. What actually happened was this ..

My friend, who is extremely vertically challenged, couldn't get through the crowd of kids, because they kept pushing each other around, so I thought 'I'm going to help my school mate get through to the other side !' as I am quite tall, especially compared with the little kids. I held my can of Coke in front of me, and shouted 'EXCUSE ME ! Thank you ! EXCUSE ME ! Thank you !' and so most of these kids moved out the way, as I was so polite. But then, out of no where appeared a FLYING child ! And he was flying because his 'oh-so-cool friend' had decided to push him into me, to try and make themselves look good, but hey, guess what ? That plan backfired ! As the pusher pushed the pushee into me, he hit my arm, and in the hand on that arm, was that dreaded can of Coke. It was almost like a slow motion piece of film footage - as he hit my arm, a rather large amount of that Coke splashed into the air and went all over the pushee. This did make me laugh rather a lot. And ALL of those kids that saw this happened were all ':O He just got coke all over him !' and just to check, I stopped half way through the crowd, looked down, smiled, and said 'Oh good, as long as it's not on my coat' and then carried on walking. I'm not bragging or anything, but it sure was a pretty smooth move on my part. Oscar worthy I think.

So yeah, rage over.

Frankie.